Neighbour From Hell by T.C. Phillips

I once worked with a guy who used to bitch about living next door to the neighbours from hell. Every morning he’d come in yawning, with dark circles under his eyes and complain about loud parties, arguments, things being smashed and the cops having to be called on a nightly basis. One time he even caught one of them taking a shit in the middle of his driveway. When he confronted the guy, the dirty mongrel just gave him the finger, wiped his ass with his morning newspaper and walked away.

This guy I worked with, he didn’t know what a neighbour from hell looked like. The guy I live beside, he, quite literally, comes from hell.

“Morning Dave,” my neighbour said with a wave, which ordinarily would have seemed fairly innocuous if it weren’t for the way fire seemed to mysteriously burn in the otherwise pitch-black orbs which served as his eyes. “Be sure to bring your kids over for Trick or Treating tonight. I’ve got all the good chocolates.”

“Uh.. yeah sure,” I had to think it over for a moment, sure he had a penchant for inconsiderately raising the dead at the crack of dawn on the weekend, and at least three posties had been viciously mauled by his giant pet Hell-hound named Fluffy in the past month alone, but Mr Jenkins was known for handing out full sized Snickers bars on Halloween. “They’ll be glad to.”

Actually Alesha had been deathly afraid of Mr Jenkins ever since he moved in next door and hadn’t slept properly in months, and young Geoff had recently taken to speaking in tongues and rotating his head in full 360 degree circles, but the promise of a full sized Snickers helped wash away almost all potential misgivings.

“I’ve also stocked up on Turkish Delight bars this year too,” he said as he pushed a desiccated zombie hand back into his front garden with the toe of his slipper.

“Sweet,” I replied. The kids hated Turkish Delight, but that just meant more for me.

***

About the author: TC Phillips lives in tropical Central Queensland where he lives with his loving wife, three children, two spoilt cats and an overactive imagination. After embarking on a Masters in Creative Writing and getting some of his own work published by various outlets, he founded Specul8: Central Queensland Journal of Speculative fiction in 2015 and eventually turned it into Specul8 Publishing in 2018. A true fan of all that is weird and wonderful, he enjoys introducing new writers to the world and occasionally putting his own twisted works together as well. His collection of shorter works Tattle Tale and Other Stories is also available from Specul8 publishing, but only because the editor owes him a reluctant favour.

Specul8 Publishing can be found on those damn-fangled interwebs at http://www.cobblestonescribe.com/specul8/ and on Facebook at https://www.facebook.com/Specul8

TC Phillips also occasionally feeds his own ego on Facebook at https://www.facebook.com/AuthorTCPhillips

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